When a relationship breaks down you can’t help but be upset. Even if you saw the signs; he never called, you didn’t see him enough and you had to ask him to text you more- a text doesn’t even take two minutes to send right?
So the inevitable happens, guys carry on with their lives, girls go round to their mates to cry, drink tea, eating chocolate and getting drunk. Forgetting the person that they used to be and that they are frickin gorgeous and instead look like a mascara all over the face freak.
If this ever happens I want you to take note of a name. Greg Behrendt. The name probably means nothing to you unless you have read his books or watched the movie that a book he co-wrote was made into. That movie was He’s just not that into you. Now that is one of my favourite movies. It sometimes can depress you but after a break up it is a fab movie to watch. Scrap the movie; read the book. Co-written by Liz Tuccillo it says things like:
He’s not that into you if he’s not calling you
He’s not that into you if he’s not having sex with you
He’s not that into you if he is breaking up with you
And the list goes on…
I recently bought his next two books entitled ‘It’s just a date’ and ‘it’s called a break up because it’s broken’ I wanted to read them purely because I loved HNTIY.
I am up to page 70 of it’s just a date and admittedly it is a self help book but it teaches you common sense things which you sometimes forget like some guys realise they don’t like you after 1 date, some after a few dates and some after 2 years. It may hurt you as you have developed feelings for them but guys can be slowwwww. It tells you how to get dates and rock on em, know you’re worthy, don’t freak people out with your need (I probably do by the amount of conversation I like but all women like to talk, it’s a given, men should be understanding to that need and work around them).
I am yet to read Its called a Break up…but be rest assured when I have you’ll be hearing all about it!
Remember ladies; make sure he treats you like the princess you deserve to be treated like. I’m not saying ask for a rock 1 month in, move into his place 3 months in, I’m not saying he has to pay for dinner every time, I’m not saying he has to buy you gifts and drive you everywhere! But make sure he respects YOU and what YOU want in a relationship whilst at the same time you compromise too. The guy might not be a phone person but ‘you deserve a fucking phone call’ as Greg says – maybe not every day but a few times a week, if he bloody likes you, it isn’t going to hurt is it?
Priya Mulji
priyamulji.com 
Nice post Muljerry. And some damn good advice. All that it takes to make a relationship work is respect and compromise – even if it means respecting the fact that he / she’s just not that into you…
And that is exactly what I have done…xx
This is complete and utter bullshit!! It works both ways..
Your opinion, I am not bad mouthing anyone… If you read Shai’s comment – it is respecting each other.
Also I think you missed this line “at the same time you compromise too.”
Something to thinking about SANJAY
You’re right, every women deserves to be treated like a princess…no exceptions 🙂
How lovely Bhav! every man should think like you – how about you start boyfriend school?
Love the blog entry hun. You’re very right, I do believe that we will know, if a guy just isn’t into us, but us being us we ignore the signs and try and fool ourselves into believing otherwise.
Instead what we should be doing, is if he’s not making the effort, not calling, texting etc we should just back off. Like tango, relationships take 2. And if it’s not happening like that then well it’s just not happening then is it? In which case we need to cut our losses and move on. You do deserve to be treated with respect and like a princess, and if you’re not, that clearly shows he was wrong for you.
Carry on with the blogs, loving them. Looking forward to your next entry xx
Deepi
Getting to one date would be a start. I can’t seem to find a girl who’s (a) single and (b) is even remotely interested in giving me a second look. It’s really getting me down 😦
Well by sticking to the above at least you will be prepared when the magical time does come x
I’d love to know just who are these utter bar-stewards who are (a) letting down all the women by behaving in this disgraceful manner, and (b) letting down the rest of us men and tarnishing our species!
And why do other women fall for their rancid behaviour afterwards?! 😦
All princesses are women but not all women are princesses. There are some gems out there but not every woman deserves to be treated like a princess. There can’t be constant blame on the male race, it’s a tired argument from a sea of single women.
I think the issue with women is that we are emotional beings, and when we meet someone we “connect” to, and he gives us everything we could emotionally want… then suddenly backs off we get worried and confused… And do everything in our power to “convince” him that we’re right together, that we work, we fit and we belong…
But what I’ve learnt is that… this “moment” happens for every guy… (normally at month 2 or 3) they need time to process, they need their time to feel that they are still independent, that this young relationship isn’t going to change them, to figure out if they want a relationship (physically and emotionally), or indeed have reached, or are on the path to their personal ambitions enough to let another being into their lives…. And this is the moment that us ladies need to learn to relax, and hold back, let him be and react to his need to “me time” rather than be proactive about showing him we’re right for him!
(from now on I’m going to take my own advice…)
Great piece, love.
I enjoyed HJNTIY, for the same reasons you pointed out.
Theres a thin line between asking for it all and comprising for the right person. My opinion: if u think hes the one- put the ego BS aside and go full frontal. But if hes not into you- he wont be!
The difference here is, us women give in to true feelings. We change our mind! Men- dont. They are usually very quick in deciding who they want and who they cant be with!
Compromises are a part of every relation, which women tend to forget. The key is to not be so hard on yourself and try to “adjust” to what your partner likes, and its no rocket science.
But then, if its broken, it loses respect, which is the KEY. So no point remembering old sweet memories.
Someone once told me, unecessary old furniture in the house and memories in the heart need to be thrown away. Else new memories wont be able to fit in.
Keep up the good work.
X
“There’s a reason why a man is single after 30.” – he hasn’t found the right woman. I am neither a loser nor a divorcee.
There’s a girl I fancy at work but it seems a case of SJNTIY. Only had one chance where I’ve been able to talk to her and I made some joke about something, can’t even remember her response as I was a bit shocked I’d actually got to speak to her and she was gone before anything else could happen. (We were both in the car park at the end of the day)
Today, she happened to be in the queue behind me at the canteen till just before I paid and was on my way – bad timing. I know if I spoke to her it’d demystify everything and it’d all cool down when it’d sink in that it’s a no go but until then it’s just very frustrating 😦
You need to read Gregs books as much as women do. That is all.
What does the book say about my situation? And is it a long book?
Man-up and talk to her…….
That’s an idea, but the problem is that although we’re on the same floor, we’re working for two separate businesses. On Friday, if I had started a conversation, it would’ve been over as soon as it began, given how I was just about to pay for my paper, so it would’ve been just as awkward.
It’s a shame there’s no-one else of any interest in my floor, as it’d take my mind off her. That said, when I’m not here, she doesn’t stay in my mind for long and I look to whoever’s out there instead, whether it’s in town or even in the post office queue like last Saturday (although she was married).
Maybe I’m just a tart?
On the downside, when I’ve heard her speak, she has a really weird, unsexy voice. Not one that fits with her face, if that doesn’t sound completely odd.
just ask her out for gods sake! what’s the worst that can happen!
“Treat a girl like a princess” and expect to be treated like a king, right?
If it were my boyfriend then king, prince…. everything…..sighs x
king, prince, everything…..blowjobs on tap then, right?
I think you’re sexy. Let me date you and show you how a real man treats a woman.
I think you could do with a shag. Holla if you want it.
There’s no reply button after your reply about asking her out, Priya, so I’ve had to put it here.
I’d like to get to at least speak to her first before asking her out – I’ve been there before and got a ‘no’ with a look of “Who the hell are you?”. Fate’s got to step in at some point and engineer some brief inconsequential chat, surely? Happens with other women I have no interest in! 😦
Mr Robinson, whatever you do, don’t just ask her out of the blue.
The next time you see her say something along the lines of, “I’ve seen you around here a number of times. I’m guessing you work for…., right?” ……. “Ah cool. I work for ….., my name’s …”….. as you leave to get back to work, tell her that you’d love to grab a coffee/drink after work with her some time and take it from there.
Or you could forget about doing that and carry on wanking over her when you’re at home.
The wanking bit was uncalled for James but Dom actually his way of approaching asking her out is actually quite good, I’d be flattered – go for it i say 🙂
I’d have to think of a way to phrase it. as she’ll know I know who she works for (there’s only two different businesses on that floor and we each work for opposite ones) and she’ll know I’ve seen her around as she’s in my direct line of sight (sadly, I’m not in hers, but even when she’s come over to colleagues inbetween us, she’s never looked over my way
That said, she’s also got a cute ginger friend who I saw in the canteen today, but spotted her just as she was with others and when I meant to make a smile motion as I passed, I think I just made some kind of stupid facial expression instead. Bah, pillock!
All that said, I’ve been messaging with another girl on a dating website for 2-3 weeks and we’ve got a date arranged for Sat evening, meeting up for a drink in town. It’s the first date I’ve been on since the dawn of time, I think…
Had another experience today which… well, I don’t know whether it makes me feel like a twat or not. Finished my morning break… (well, I was on a late, so the break was around 1pm) and went back inside the office and to the lift to go upstairs to my floor, and there were two women by the lift, one of which was her.
We all got in the same lift and were going to the same floor, but while for a moment I was thinking of saying something, as I looked ahead at her, at no point was she looking in my direction. It wasn’t as even if she might’ve fancied me and was embarrassed to look – I just got the feeling she wasn’t inviting me in to say anything. So I didn’t.
I felt aggrieved for a while after, until other women came back from their lunch and I thought, “Yeah, they’re cute, too” and I tried to tell myself, “Why am I wrapping myself in knots over someone who doesn’t even know I’m alive?” So, I’m trying to go cold turkey.
And since I’m going on a date tomorrow night, I really should be concentrating on that and not worrying about someone who doesn’t care.
This is the first date I’ve been on in god knows how long. I feel okay about it, though. Not nervous. We’ve exchanged messages and texts and we get on good, so it’ll be interesting to see how it goes. Wish me luck 🙂
Stop it! just ask her out and stop over analysing every little thing!
Don’t know why there isn’t a ‘reply’ link under your posts, Priya, but I thought we’d agreed it’d be a bad idea to ask her out without having had talked to her?
Morning, fate smiled on me for a change at lunch yesterday, fortuitously on a lunchtime (2.30pm) which ended up being a bit earlier than usual, and even then I held on for a few mins before I went, so I didn’t have too long an afternoon (well, it was, but anyway)
I walked in to the canteen with my sandwiches, saw she was sat over by the TV, initially went over to my usual spot at the other end by the window where I can stare out, and then thought, “Nah, I’m doing to do something about this, for a change.”, and sat near her, but not too close.
Managed to nonchalantly say hello, and stumbled into asking what she does, then threw in a couple of other bits, eg. about the tennis, which was on, as yesterday when someone said “Pete Sampras”, the subtitles said “Pr*ck Sampras” and I mentioned how I couldn’t get my phone out in time to take a picture before it went, and then I went into Iplayer Live Restart but… they don’t carry subtitles for live stuff.
Chatted a couple times more while sat there about other stuff, but didn’t want to appear to overbearing (didn’t start asking her for name, rank, serial number, although I know her name as I heard someone call it her before) so didn’t try to monopolise her lunch and she didn’t venture any conversation topics, and she played with her phone while I did the same and half-read the Metro, and then about 3 she left, with a customary “See you later”, so clearly I didn’t alienate her too much 😉
Made her laugh a few times along the way as well.
So, I’m pleased I broke the ice, but I looked up as I saw she was leaving, but at the point where she could’ve looked over and waved or something, she didn’t and just continued out the door. Still, I’ll see if it goes anywhere from now on.
Looking back at chatting to her, it felt awesome to be chatting to her and she was looking back at me. Damn, her eyes are hot (as is the rest of her) and I hope fate can work again, although I did have to engineer it a bit by going over to sit near her. However, I’m currently waiting on a start date to work at another company (more money is the reason, as the current wage is not great) and once I get that confirmation then I can hand my notice in. So, there’s not a lot of time left to speak to her. If I can’t, then I’ve found her on Facebook so I can drop her a message and say hello, which made me think as there’s a girl on my team who was added by a bloke there who she had never spoken to, and i asked how she felt about that, and she wasn’t too fussed about it, so I’m hoping that as I’ve spoken to this girl once (at last!) then she won’t mind me adding her. I won’t do it just yet, though, otherwise it’ll look like I’ve spent all weekend looking for her on FB.
Asking her out via FB might be a different matter, as it feels a bit soon to just go up to her in the middle of her job after I’ve only spoken to her once. Also, if I add her, and spokthen find out she’s attached and/or lesbian (two of the things that usually happen to me when I fancy someone!) then I can back off and just remain friends (presuming she accepts the request) until she’s single again (if she’s straight).
Any thoughts much appreciated. I feel a hell of a lot better for at least having spoken to her, anyway. Even if nothing else happens, at least I won’t spend my life wondering now and then whether we would’ve spoken, and I enjoyed her laughing at the occasional funny thing I said 🙂
#happyDom
Quick update. Didn’t get chance to speak to her today. Might’ve done at lunch if my lunchtime hadn’t been moved from 1-2 to 2-3 (I just let fate dictate that one since it worked on Friday), and at the end of the day I saw her packing up and shoving a few bits in the bin. I was in two minds about going to get a drink from the machine (which I didn’t need) but it would’ve given me the chance to say a quick hello, but stupidly didn’t and wondered if she might look over as she was about to go out the door. She didn’t. Gah, I felt such a twit* (*misprint)
I saw she’s on Facebook, even though we have no mutual friends that I’m aware of (her profile gives nothing away to non-friends other than a picture of her which is stunningly beautiful), so I was thinking of seeing how things go tomorrow and adding her in the evening. Didn’t want to rush that after Friday and look like I’d instantly been looking up her profile… (ahem)
Any thoughts?