So… Why are you single?

When people ask me ‘so…why are you single’ I really can’t give them an answer. It’s not as if I’m not getting out there and trying to date, meeting people in different ways or even being open to the occasional set up. But when it comes to the crunch I’m single, happily so, but it would be lovely to have someone to share my life with. As I tweeted on Sunday morning “some of you don’t realise how lucky you are to be waking up to a partner on a lazy Sunday morning”

 

However, there was been much discussion within my circle of friends as to why some very caring, successful and generally nice women are single.

 

The only thing we could easily define was that we intimidate men. And this was also something noticed by successful, powerful women who have partners. Women who are successful have equally successful partners who have some substance to them and don’t mind the lady in their life to be a go-getter.

 

A few people have said to me on dates if they know I have a blog or column: “I don’t want this to end up on your blog” it never would, (unless you treated me like shit!) I write about mine or my friend’s experiences, talking about my thoughts and feelings or generally having a rant. I don’t think I ever have written a revealing post about anyone other than myself. If I do write about someone it is only ever with permission.

 

So, I guess I just wanted to use this blog post as a disclaimer. Men of substance make yourselves known, I promise not to write about you in a tell all blog post!

 

 

Priya Mulji x

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35 thoughts on “So… Why are you single?

  1. Nice work dude. Although I disagree with what you say about both partners in a relationship needing to have the same level of success to make it work. My girlfriend is way more successful than I am at the moment, but I’d probably say that I’m the more ambitious one. I hope I get to reach the success I aim for, but nonetheless, I think for a relationship to work, its less about being successful in the present day, and more about a mutual desire to be become more successful in the future to provide for the family you create one day.

    1. Maybe I worded it wrong. However you’re both ambitious and have an end goal which requires you both to work hard in your respective fields, and Shai in my eyes you’re a sucessful fella!

  2. Mena are not intimidated by successful women! On the contrary we seek these women (unless ur a freshie). Men want a woman with ambition and drive, not someone who is content with being just the housewife.

    Intimidation just sounds like an excuse you women think up because it makes you feel better about being single……..maybe ur not compatible, maybe you don’t have anything in common, or maybe you just send out the wrong signals.
    Oh and any woman who claims to be happy being single is just a liar liar pants on fire!

    Pk

    AND

  3. PK ur a jerk! its so typical of a guy to blame everything on a woman. It couldnt be that ur an insecure asshole could it? ha ha!

    Something tells me ur single because nobody will put up with ur ass.

  4. Man are defo not intimidated by successful woman in fact I believe if man hearts his partner regardless of bar of success he’d be proud of her woman. And also being single sucks I totally agree, al though being in relation is way more tough and it takes every last ounce of courage to make it work. Involve your Ego in your relation and it wont work out. Rather make your relation your ego. I’d rather wait little longer than falling for wrong person and then go thru Break Up.( Which I have ).

  5. Man are defo not intimidated by successful woman in fact I believe if man hearts his partner regardless of bar of success he’d be proud of his woman. And also being single sucks I totally agree, al though being in relation is way more tough and it takes every last ounce of courage to make it work. Involve your Ego in your relation and it wont work out. Rather make your relation your ego. I’d rather wait little longer than falling for wrong person and then go thru Break Up.( Which I have ).

  6. Or may be good men aren’t intimidated. They are just acting out the proverbial statement : Nice guys finish last! It seems like every nice guy I know ends up with the wrong kind of girl. And after his heart’s broken, he ends up being picked up by a woman who has had her fair share of the action and has 3 kids and finally wants someone who is nice to settle down and support a family. I am not saying all nice guys end up this way but I have seen plenty of such cases. Why is that a pretty and successful woman who can actually hold a conversation will always go for the nutcase of the jock and ignore the nice guy standing in the corner? Why is it that unless they have their heart and their trust broken a few times, they wouldn’t even consider looking at the nice guy?
    What’s success got to do with a relationship anyhow? Whether the guy is successful or the girl is … how does that affect their relationship? Surely in a healthy relationship the individuals involved manage to maintain their individuality (which includes their social circle and their careers) and still have a successful relationship? If you lose sight of yourself as a unique individual and an equal partner in a relationship, then I would in my humble opinion suggest that you are in the wrong relationship and you should be moving on.

  7. There was nothing funny in your post, PK. You were arrogant, accusatory and misogynistic. Try looking in the mirror for the answer to why you’re still single. Even if I gave you the benefit of the doubt and accepted that you were attempting to be humourous (which you weren’t) your comments were still pathetic and misogynistic. How anyone outside of a self centered ego driven person could find humour in anything you posted is beyond me.

  8. “I’m single, happily so.” I wouldn’t have thought otherwise. *rollseyes*

    Intimidation. If you think the reason why you’re single is because you intimidate guys, think how you might be intimidating and change. Or be yourself and continuing intimidating guys and stay single. Though I doubt that’s the actual reason why you’re single.

    Men of substance won’t simply make themselves known to you. You have to find them and allow them to get to know you and vice versa.

  9. Clearly none of you guys can handle the fact a woman has ambition and yes men are intimidated by the fact we do.

    This was a very quickly written piece that wasn’t intended on men going off on a tangent and questioning the thoughts and opinions of myself as the writer and the other women involved in this discussion.

    Apart from Shai’s the comments left on this post just go to prove I am right and you guys can’t handle a woman with an opinion. I will mostly likely remove this post because none of us are here to be spoken to in this manner. It is upsetting

    Priya.

  10. [i]Clearly[/i] you can’t handle guys’ opinions. I’ve noticed a recent trend. You post about men. A guy comments on your post and then you get on the defensive and feel pissed off.

    Does it matter whether you spent 5 minutes writing the post or 5 hours? If you don’t want people to question your thoughts and opinions, what do you want readers to think about? Do you want everyone to nod their head in agreement? If someone is abusive or insulting, challenge them.

    I don’t know how that proves anything. My original post wasn’t abusive. I respect and like a woman to have opinions, especially when they’re based on something and she can have a discussion on them.

      1. Well you obviously have something to hide then and you’re obviously a Twitter follower. why not just unfollow and not read the blog if you disagree so much rather than being a MCP?

        I could easily delete your comments but I am not going to because you’re the type of person who gives men a bad name. People should see that. Read the comments from Anonymous and he is the kind of person you should aspire to be.

      2. I read your blog because I find it interesting. A male chauvinist pig? How have you come to that conclusion?

        How do I give men a bad name?

        If you don’t want people to question your thoughts and opinions, what do you want readers to think about and comment on?

        I should aspire to be like Anonymous yet make myself known? Proof read what you’ve typed before you click ‘post’.

        I agree with Anon regarding men shouldn’t be intimidated by women. Similarly, they shouldn’t be intimidated by other men, and women shouldn’t be intimidated by men and other women.

        My partner’s not really into films. She simply wants someone to explore the world with and I’m that person.

  11. I’m a male and ever since I have graduated 5 years ago, I haven’t had a steady job through no fault of my own (cut backs, redundancies etc) and I’ve always thought when am I going to ‘catch a break’. Then about 2 years ago I met my other half, who is a very successful lady, (she is a year older than me).

    I admit at first I was very intimidated by her. Thinking ‘what does she see in me?’

    Well what did I have to offer? I couldn’t even support myself, let alone start a relationship and make it work, when the one thing on my mind was to sort myself out and get back on track with my life, before I could share it with someone else.

    Admittedly I avoided contact with her after a few months as deep down I knew she could do better. This eventually fizzled out and there was no contact for about 6 months.

    Then for some reason or another something clicked and got back in contact with her. It was a struggle at first as she didn’t want to know (I don’t blame her) but eventually we started dating again.

    She understood my situation and she could see that I wasn’t being a bum, but I was trying everyday to get a job. And she believed in me that one day I will get there and be successful. Having someone believe in you is a strong thing to have on your side. As when it rains, it’s going to pour on you when things are not going your way.

    But when you have the support of someone a simple smile and positive words will help bring the stress of everyday life down and.

    Me and my other half would be lost without each other now. As I support her and she supports me. She is like a rock and vice versa. She’s the one person that I can speak to when I’ve had a stressful shift or seen things I didn’t really want to see (not going in to what job I do now, but I have always wanted this job as kid)

    So I guess the moral of the story is males, it’s a 2012 women are going to be successful more so than men, but don’t be intimidated by it, as I’ve learnt as some of them will help you get through a struggle in life and help you get back on the path to success., and they’re not really bothered about how much money you make a year, all they really want is someone to come home to and watch a dvd together.

  12. Maybe you’re too picky? All the girls I know over 30 are way too picky for their own good… It’s difficult finding the right person but you’ve also got to be realistic. Time waits for no man (or woman) and in theory there are less ‘expectations’ on guys, they can get married at 36 to a 27 year old and no one bats an eyelid whereas the reverse is seldom true.

  13. I see several men here who typify exactly what you mentioned Priya. These boys (men is perhaps too mature a descriptive for them) demonstrated that they are indeed intimidated by strong, outspoken and successful women by their responses to you. In every case they pointed the finger at the woman, unable to even begin to fathom a character flaw in themselves. Every last ounce of ignorant pablum that issues from their posts is that much more evidence that some boys are still knuckle draggers who can barely walk upright. You’ve actually done women a favour in this blog post by exposing these microcephalic apes for what they are. Keep up the good work!

    1. Thanks Ro! And yes we have exposes the ‘real personalities’ behind these people who appear to like ‘independant women’

      But they can’t handle reading frivolous posts like this. x

  14. Absolutely fantastic post, Priya! We shouldn’t have to dumb ourselves down to make men feel better about themselves. I’ve had many of my guy friends tell me that I’m intimidating and I need to tone it down. Not gonna happen. I’m single, independent, ambitious and proud! Deal with it or GTFO!

    Dee.

    1. Dee, I agree. But there are also girls who call themselves independent, single and happy but then talk about love, finding a boyfriend, loneliness etc. constantly and they piss me off. Make your mind up girls.

      1. Yes, agreed. I do know women like that. I’m one of those from time to time. Everyone gets that feeling, though. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to have someone around but your life shouldn’t revolve around that.

  15. When you’re in love, what job your partner does and how successful they are doesn’t matter. I’ve found that pushing each other to be successful together works so well. I totally agree with Anon as I met my partner whilst we were both on low paid jobs and now we’ve flourished and became successful together. We are strong in our own right and don’t live in each other’s pockets. If she is more successful and earns more than me then good on her, I can only be proud of her. I also love the fact that she’ll voice her opinion no matter if it sounds harsh, and vice versa. I literally worship her for everything she does and is. I’m all for a strong successful woman.

    I think saying that being successful intimidates men is wide off the mark. I’ve not heard of one guy tell me that they didn’t take it further with a woman because they were too successful. I guess in most cases being “successful” is how much you earn right? But you moan that you never have any money. Maybe they’re just intimidated that you blog and tweet too much, rather than the level of your “success.” Or maybe they’re just not that into you?

    I can see that you’re obviously looking for love and a partner but do you really need to mention it every day and at the same time bash them with your men bashing girl gang? You’re either happy being single or you hate men. You can’t have both. You also expect men to fall at your feet and it’s all their fault for not going for you. One word of advice, when you meet someone, don’t have any expectations, because if anything doesn’t happen, then you won’t be bothered or upset or angry.

    There is obviously someone out there for you and it’s so so hard finding them. Good luck in your journey. There are decent men out there that are single and not married or gay as your seem to think.

    Worse comes to worse, you can always go to India and find yourself a desi husband! He won’t cook, clean or do anything at home! On second thoughts, keep your search in the UK.

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