I feel I have been neglecting my lovely blog readers recently what with all the Eastern Eye columns and stuff going on. I thought I’d write a bespoke piece just for you amazing people.
At the beginning of November I went on a wonderful date. The person I had a date with was a gentleman, got there on time, had manners, was well spoken, held my coat for me and was good looking to boot! I hadn’t had a date like that in a very long time!
However, I’ve not always been so lucky. I have had dates with the oddest of specimens: the stoned man who felt putting his feet on the coffee table in the bar (in front of people) was appropriate, the man who ‘didn’t know when he would be free for the next date’ and the guy that stood me up.
So apart from the standard ‘pay for dinner’ or be a gentleman pre requisites what do women expect from a man on a first date?
I took to my favourite sources for research purposes. My awesome Facebookers and Twitter followers came up with some aspects to bear in mind when going on a first date.
Light hearted conversation was a must! No talk of ex’s, the want for 5 children; 3 boys and 2 girls. Don’t complain too much or repeat that you hate your job. Have manners. Men should pay (at least on a first date) women should offer to pay but after the second or third date you go halves unless on a special occasion or he’s a millionaire!
Have manners. As per my ‘man who was stoned and thought it was ok to put his feet on the table’ scenario people must realise manners are a must. Don’t get me wrong you don’t want to look like a ponce but simple pleases, thank you’s and holding the door are the norm. And women don’t forget your manners either, don’t turn up looking like you’ve just come out of the gym or you’ve just been to take the dog for a walk. Make each other laugh, get to know each other, learn something new, get to know each other’s likes and dislikes and enjoy each other’s company. After that decide on whether you want another date. Whether you do or don’t it is important to let the other person know.
A question cropped up which I will leave you with because I don’t have the answer to it. How acceptable is it to date more than one person in the ‘getting to know’ stage? I am not a fan of dating more than one person but I know many people that do. I couldn’t ever do it but in the age of online dating, winks, pokes and nudges how long before date just one person and become exclusive?
Let me know your thoughts!
6 thoughts on “First Dates”
Re: Dating two people at once
I am personally not a fan, but it can be difficult. There is only so much time in your life, and opportunities pop up, the most exciting are sometimes at less convenient times.
I think it’s okay, morally, until there is a ‘so what’s going on here’ discussion… You know, after a few dates, you’re keen and she’s keen, and presumably you are not even interested in seeing other people. Then say so!
That is different to a ‘where is this going’ conversation though! Those ones terrify me, whereas the ‘I like you and just want to see you, and I want to know that you aren’t seeing anyone else’ can somehow be great, exciting, new.
The one thing i hate about online dating is this modern acceptability of multiple-dating (men bigger fans than women i believe!) i think there is another word for it…. having your cake and eating it!
My feelings are that if you meet someone and are lucky enough to like them, which, God Knows, is hard enough these days, then you should invest energy in that one person and give it a shot!
I don’t see anything wrong with initially dating two people, but I think you can’t do it for long as it becomes complicated.
I did it once. I went on two dates with a guy while I started seeing another. One of them was upset that I was seeing someone else and the other was fine with it. I was honest from the start as I didn’t want to lead anyone on – but I felt the need to keep my options open and get to know both guys.
All relationships are hard work and complicated so when three people are in an equation, it’s bound to complicate things further.
I chose the guy who was more upset and thank god I did as we’ve been together ever since and we’re getting married in a few months!
Until you’re in a relationship with someone, you can date as many people as you like simultaneously.
Not sure about the man should pay first at least on the first date, a woman should offer on the first date too, we live in a world where women can now too make her own choices, and expecting the guy to pay on the first date (especially when not really knowing the guy beforehand) put’s him (in the woman’s psychology)….1) on a pedestal and 2) making him unnaturally chivalrous as you don’t really know if he’s actually bothered for a second date.
Also, we really should be ourselves, I agree with not too much strong opinions first off, but just a light gage of each other and don’t spend more than a couple of hours as you will know if there will be a second date by then (a guy will know if he fancies you at the getgo to be honest)
You can have a first date with however many people, but, if you are having a second date with someone…..do not date anyone else, that is simply unfair.
In this day and age of feminism and equality, why is all the onous on men to impress tue women? Have the ladies never thought how it would make us feel if we got treated once in a while. I completely believe in being chivalrous, but sometimes traditions need to move with the times. Back in the day the men used to be the ‘breadwinners’ and therefore expected to pay for everything…….we now live in a world where it is not uncommon for the lady of the relationship to be earning more than her male counterpart.
Have you ladies ever been on a first date where the guy was everything you hoped and you were waiting for him to ask you out for the second date but the question never came? Well just maybe you spent the date being ‘impressed’ by him but failing to reciprocate. After all, we want to enjoy the date too……..