The Kaiser Chiefs sang ‘Let it never be said, that romance is dead, cos there’s so little else occupying my head’
Admit it girls, we love to be wined and dined. We pretend to be these independent women who offer to pay for half of dinner on a date but do we really want to pay or do we want the Mr we are on a date with to say ‘put your money away darling, I’m paying’.
Instead of you calling a guy first they should call you. Flowers, chocolates, wine, being picked up by our dates, boyfriends, potential boyfriends is what we all dream of, right? Instead most of us will get ‘yeah I’ll just meet you in town at the left lion.’
Classy!
How often, when you speak to your friend who went on a date last night, your friend say ‘he bought me flowers’ It got me thinking? ‘Is romance dead?’
So what has happened to chivalry? Making love instead of having sex. Wouldn’t you want, after you have been on holiday with your girlfriends, for your guy to drive 100 miles to Gatwick just to surprise you?
Times are changing people say, men have become too laid back and think women don’t want all this. They wait for the woman to call before he does because ‘that’s what they think women want.’ On the contrary. I would love it, when I’m initially dating a guy, if he chased me and showed me he was interested, well not chasing too much but just the right amount. The right amount being construed as him texting that eve and calling you the next day, texting daily, calling every other. Arranging the next date (and if there is going to be a 2nd or 3rd) within the next few days. Instead of waiting for us to do it because ‘he is really busy.’ Rather than texting or emailing isn’t just picking up the phone and asking whether you would like to meet or just fancy a chat more romantic? Obviously now we have to tell them what they ‘should’ be doing if they want to date a girl?
Clearly, there are men who will tell their girlfriends everyday that they are beautiful, who will turn up to their work place or send flowers without a reason. These guys are one in a million – don’t let go of these guys girls!
To be fair I haven’t been ‘romanced’ greatly apart from in my head, I haven’t ever been on a date on Valentine’s Day maybe I have had one valentine’s card in my whole life. But judging from the above research I conducted will it even happen? That when I am finally in a relationship will I be romanced like in the movies or will it be up to me to make it known I like a guy? (With the risk of a guy thinking I’m a stalker).
Men, if you want a girl to be yours. All you have to do is say. Be romantic, you know the old fashioned way. Wine and dine her, make her heart flutter and make love not have sex. Call her. Sweep a woman off her feet, love her without acting like a fool who doesn’t care and she will be yours forever.
Priya Mulji
priyamulji.com 
It’s all well and good to say this, but in my opinion and VAST experience – when you give this to a woman she decides she doesn’t want it and likes a bit of rough.
After the 5th or 6th time of investing time, effort and let’s face it – money (but mainly time and effort) to make a woman feel special and show her not all men are the same and indeed chivalry is not dead only to find it thrown in your face, you begin to wonder if going out and looking after number one is the way forward.
Every woman wants to be treated well, but so does every man – and any man that does treat/respect a woman deserves to be treated like the man they are.
Women are just as scandalous and salacious as men these days. You’re speaking of respect and treatment… I would argue, it goes both ways.
And if you want your man to spoil you – tell him! It’s not rocket science. “make me feel like a woman” it’s not hard… Some guys just need a poke in the right direction. It’s a channel of communication that hasn’t been utilised correctly. All relationships are built on communication.
Oh I agree some men do need to be told! I have had some feedback from someone to say he is going on a date next week and will be bringing back chivalry – lucky lady!
Fully agreed on every point
1. “Clearly, there are men who will tell their girlfriends everyday that they are beautiful.” Do girls really like this? Doesn’t it get a bit repetitive and sound insincere? Then they start turning up to their girlfriends’ work places, what next, they become lapdogs?
2. What’s wrong with both, guys and girls doing the wining and dining, and driving 100 miles for a surprise?
3. Women, if you want a man in your life, all you have to do is act on your instincts. Guys like to be approached as well. After all, we do live in the 21st century.
Oh I have asked a few guys out in the past, but i’m single, does that tell you something?
I have paid for meals and drink. That covers your point.
I chase guys too. However there is only so much a girl can you before the guy (in my experience) gets turned off and starts to think she is a stalker!.
That is just my point though, and everyone is entitled to an opinion. Be great if you had left your name!
🙂 All that tells me is that you’re single. Not why but, I imagine, it’s partly because you have somewhat high expectations and you’re not trying hard enough. I wonder how many guys actually truly agree with your post.
I agree. And there’s only so much a guy can do before a girl thinks ‘hey, he’s a stalker’ or ‘hmm, he’s good to use for a month or two. i’ll get him to buy x and y’.
I respect your point of view. I just don’t agree with it.
I don’t agree with me having high expectations or not trying hard enough.
Anyone that knows will tell you that so making judgments without knowing someone in person is rather rude but I respect that is your opinion.
i find it ironic that your female followers think I’m a ‘hater’. What exactly am I hating on? You have an opinion on something which I respect but disagree on, so I’ve simply put my point across.
So you are one of my Twitter followers.
Why not reveal who you are and let others engage in conversation with you?
Why does it matter who I am and why can’t you respect my anonymity?
I don’t see why anyone else can’t engage in a conversation with me here.
Making judgements without knowing someone in person isn’t necessarily rude. People form opinions on others through blogs, twitter etc.
GREAT post! I agree with you! Alisha x
all i have learnt with my exerience tht stop chasing if a guy just doesn’t wanna get caught and priya i agree guys have forgotten the meaning chivalry so all we can do is wait for the right one to come by and sure it will happen soon for all the single girls 🙂
Priya, I so agree with what you said, girl !
Where’s my shoebox full of love letters, flowers pressed in dusty books n movie ticket stubs from old dates ! Romance doesn’t have to be sappy like Mills & Boon but we do like some chivalry now n then 🙂
The ignorant presumption of Anonymous aside, I think one of the reasons for the death of chivalry has been the radicalization of the feminist movement. Extremists seem to have taken over as the voice of women everywhere and one of the things they certainly seem to be saying is that for a man to offer to hold the door for a woman, or to send her flowers, or even pay for dinner is sexist and a throwback to the times when women were viewed as objects as a matter of course. So as a result men have been conditioned to not do those things as much as perhaps they used to. For what its worth, you find similar issues in the lesbian community as well, since by and large the socio-political scheme of the gay and lesbian subculture leans decidedly to the far left. As a result the loudest voices tend to be the most radical, while those of us who are moderate in our views are often overlooked or shouted down.
I’m the type who likes to be “wined and dined” as well. I enjoy being pampered a bit by my partner, so I understand your frustrations. I don’t think it is at all fair to say someone has their expectations too high simply because they look for a sense of romance and chivalry in a potential partner. If anything, for a man to say your expectations are too high demonstrates his own lack of respect for women in general and an attitude of “you’ll take whatever I give you and like it”, which is the very attitude this blog post is against. In effect, Anonymous has proven your point for you Priya.
Great, insightful post. I was wondering. What would you think if a man says to you, ” I want to make love to you.”?
At my work Christmas party a few nights ago, I was semi-drunkenly discussing seduction techniques with a few female co-workers. When I mentioned the phrase, they looked at eachother, laughed and told me. “No one calls it ‘making love’ anymore.”
They said they’d laugh a guy right out of bed who said that to them, even if they really liked him. It made me reconsider ever saying it again (and I have used it on occasion), but then your blog made me reconsider again!
Keep up the great writing!
Chivalry is far from dead. I have countless male friends who’ve done wonders for their other halves, from surprising them with a trip to the Maldives to writing romantic songs about them. In return, their partners have unconditionally surprised them with a Playstation 3 or an adventure weekend in Cornwall.
Its the 21st century and it is all about give and take. If a guy pays for everything in a relationship, or even the majority, how is a girl supposed to feel the ‘independence’ she so strongly fights for. I’m not saying men and women should go 50-50 on everything, or even to count what’s being spent, but treat each other to dinners/gigs/holidays etc unconditionally. Don’t do things for your partner because you feel you should, but because you love him/her and want to see them happy.
Nonetheless, it takes months, even years for a relationship to get to this level of intimacy. Even if men try chivalry in the early stages (buying flowers or texring every day), it’s more likely to be seen as desperation than chivalry.
Men want what they can’t have, and its the same with women. And for that reason, you can’t serve yourself up on a platter. And if that’s what chivalry is for men, then chivalry is dead. At least until you fall in love.
X