This evening I was watching He’s Just Not That Into You.

Quote: Justin Long in the movie He’s Just Not That Into You said something along the lines of; ‘men invented the spark so that they could not call women, treat them kind of bad and keep them guessing. They then they tell the women that the fear and anxiety they were facing when they were waiting for the guy to call was just a spark and then women thrive on that drama’

This evening I had a conversation in regards to someone not feeling ‘the spark’ but as per the above quote does it really exist or is it something people invented? Or is it more chemistry that occurs between two people? But then what is defined as a spark and what is chemistry? How do you distinguish between the both?

A Female view: Rosie describes the spark as “Butterflies, if he makes you smile and the itchiness to see him again”

Male view: Rae says:  I’d say a spark is that connection you make. You know that you’re going to get on; you have many similarities and so forth.

For me chemistry would occur at a slow pace. Once you have gotten to know someone, been on a few dates (you cannot tell from a first date) when you have figured out whether they are crazy or not and if you have enough in common to develop it into a long lasting relationship. But not everyone thinks that. A spark for me would be physical attraction. Purely that. Everything else comes with time Some people define the spark/chemistry as physical attraction, some by the goals they want to achieve in life and some just general compatibility.

Chemistry for me would be someone who makes you smile, would make you feel loved, pays you compliments and makes you smile from the inside. I remember last year when I had had a few dates with Mr B, SV had said to me ‘this is the happiest I’ve ever seen you in a while’ (obvs those dates didn’t turn into anything long lasting) but throughout that short period of time the chemistry had grown between us but hadn’t lasted. So what if the spark is there initially but then fades?  Or what if one person/s doesn’t feel a spark initially but then decides they were wrong and there was but then it’s too late? All unanswered questions which I believe the readers will be able to share and give different views on.

I was recently told that I have a lot on common with a lot of people. BG always tells me that she can leave me in a room of strangers and I’d make conversation with each and every person. Am I being too friendly? Am I so ubiquitous that no one feels the chemistry and it doesn’t shine? Or those men who like to share new things with women but when I already have an interest in these things then do men lose the initial spark/interest/chemistry of wanting to get to know a woman and sharing new adventures with her.

I don’t know if there is any answer to this or if they ever will be as it may vary from person to person however I do know that if I go on a date, I have stuff in common with a person, they make me smile and I want to see them again then the chemistry is there; for me and not just the spark.

Priya Mulji