I thought I would post this now instead of closer to Valentine’s Day as I will only have been back from my jollies when the dreaded day does arrive and I will be planning my seduction tactics for the month of February (only joking!)

This week a new girl at work started. Make up caked on like a hummingbird bakery cupcake. It got me thinking that I was probably the same in my early twenties when I started full time work. I then started thinking whether things are always going to stay the same and that is what inspired me to write this blog. Today I went into a store to buy a suitcase for my upcoming adventure to Mumbai and Goa and saw that the emergence of Valentine’s Day goodies had begun. Teddies which say ‘I Love You’ on the front, heart shaped chocolate boxes and a sea of cards.

I have never had ‘hatred’ for Valentine’s Day per se but have never been over whelmed by it.  I have never had a Valentine’s Day date, I think I had a card from a guy once because he felt sorry for me (or was just a major player) and my best friend BG and I do exchange Valentines cards and have had some lovely days together on February 14th xxx

 When I got Rejected….(one of the many times)

Two years ago I ‘seriously’ asked a man out on a date for Valentines and he said no. It was when Valentine’s Day fell on a Saturday and I him asked whether he would like to go for a drink or dinner. He said he already had plans and then said wasn’t looking for a relationship when I said it was rude to ignore someone when they asked you out. Fair enough. But I wasn’t asking him for his hand in marriage but he made it sound like I was when he replied to my text message with a very predictable ‘You’re  a lovely but I’m not looking for a relationship” etc etc etc. I just asked if he wanted to go for a drink and dinner. I then found out after maybe a year or so that he had a girlfriend a few months after that same Valentine’s Day. Therefore he was interested in relationships, just not with me. So why not just say it? I am a big girl, I’m not going to slit my wrists or jump off Trent Bridge.

If you don’t like a girl just tell her, don’t beat around the bush. If the sight of me repulses you just say. In the same way tell the person if you like them.  Just before  Christmas 2010 I text this same guy to tell him that I didn’t just have a crush on him at the time but I had actually really liked him and I had got a generic ‘Happy new year Priya’ text in response. To be fair I did really like him at the time and I was upset, although not as upset as when a certain Mr B told me that ‘we weren’t going anywhere long term’. I don’t like either of the guys now but I do think that it contributes to the reason that I hate Valentine’s Day. I even have a crush on another guy but as you will see at the end of this post I don’t think that is going anywhere.

Here is my favourite Valentines Day song. Obviously it is a Bollywood song and comes from the movie Dil To Pagal Hai. The song is called ‘Pyaar Kar’ i’m afraid I couldn’t find one with english subtitles but give me a shout if you would like a translation. The film revolves around 3 characters. Shah Rukh, Madhuri and Karisma. SRK and Madhuri obviously leaving Karisma alone. That will probably be me!

The Chase

As women, why do we have to chase the men? The men I encounter are complete laloo’s who don’t know what they want or just how lucky they would be to have me (yes, i’m being vain but as a single woman of many years I am allowed). Why are men so oblivious to the obvious? If a girls telling you to take her out and you say no that’s fair enough but at least have the balls to tell her you don’t like her in the same way she does. After you do tell her you don’t like her DO NOT keep in contact with her and make her believe that there is potential for a relationship and DO NOT have sex with her just because you are horny.

Love Actually

For what Valentines Day represents I actually love. Showing love for those people you love; friends, family, and partners it is wonderful.

But what does Valentine’s Day mean to you ladies out there. I spoke to some of my female friends. Some are single, some are getting to know guys, some are in committed relationships and some engaged and this is what I found.

Manchester’s All Fm’s Nina says: V Day is overrated but perhaps I’m saying that because I’m single then again if I was with someone they’d think it was Valentine’s Day every day. Guess they’re losing out. I probably would go all out on 14th Feb every year but each anniversary, birthday etc would be every Romantic Fools Heaven if they were mine…..

Sapna Patel says: why does it have to be that one particular day of the year your significant other treats you so well or does something special? Why can he not be spontaneous and pick any day of the year? Is it because of the hype around V-Day, or is it because of the pressure women put on men to do something. It is the martyrs after whom the day is named and it has no romantic connection, legends and modern day commercialism has just hyped it all up, they don’t need to tell her they love her just on one day when they have 364 other days

My best friend BG says that there shouldn’t be one particular day to show your loved ones you love them but it goes in two ways. If you’re with someone you want to do something and V day and you’re not happy if your partner doesn’t see it as a big loving day. If you’re not with someone you see the day as no big deal and it’s a waste of time. I think us girl’s are never happy or content with what situation we are in and I truly believe we don’t know what we want…. Although many Valentine’s Days me and u have spent together and have been perfect…. xxx

M Kaur the Fashionista of mkaurfashion.blogspot.com says:

As a singleton val day turns me into this ‘couple hater’ (ok maybe a tad harsh) but it seems like an excuse for all the loved up people to show us single folks how loved up and happy they are. I’ve only ever been in a relationship once on valentines and we literally exchanged a simple humorous text. I think a lot of people will agree Valentine’s Day is something that is seen as special by a select few. The only people who would really miss it if it was abolished are the retailers and restaurateurs who make a tonne of profit off the back of it.

My friend who I have known from school Melanie Gurling said that it is a time of year I have hated with a passion for many years I’ve even been stood up by a complete loser who I went out with just to have a date to save face for Feb 14th! Now I have a fiancé and just got engaged and I’m actually not going to make a fuss of it. Maybe a card? Its everything else that matters throughout the year the little things running you a bath when you get home from work giving you a massage and helping you with the cleaning etc

Sheetal Agheda of http://www.mango-blossom.com/ said thats Valentine’s Day is useful for giving people a deadline to expression their emotions for another person. But for the mentalists like u and me and a million other girls who say it like it is, it doesn’t make a difference.Valentine’s should be a public holiday to compensate for the Samaritans needing extra staffing for the broken hearted

So as you can see there’s a diverse view on Valentine’s Day. Some love it a lot, some not so much. I am probably siding with Nina at the moment but hoping I will have a Mel kind of life very soon!

Some women love V day and everything that goes with it, these are probably the ones who are blissfully unaware of the misery and suffering of singletons’ worldwide.

On the other hand there are the singletons who address this ‘occasion’ in many ways.

1. By going out, getting drunk and stumbling home a crying, depressive wreak.
2. By going out, getting drunk and waking up in a random man’s bed
3. Staying home and getting drunk becoming a woman whose teeth are stained with red wine, stomach bloated from 10 slices of pizza and pralines and cream ice cream. She has been watching He’s Just Not That Into You or Bridget Jones Diary (the first one, always the first one)
4. Having an anti valentine’s day party with fellow singletons and burning pictures of men who treated you bad, things that meant anything or just generally consuming copious amounts of wine

Whichever option you chose I found through my research that Valentine’s Day means less to men whether they are single or in a relationship.

I found this out because when I threw the question out on Facebook, Twitter and from speaking to friends of mine they told me the following.

New father Nilesh Chouhan told me that there shouldn’t just be one day that you devote to your partner and everyday telling them you love them or giving them a cuddle is that counts.

Poet Sun Slimstone (check out his poems at http://slimstone.wordpress.com/) I normally try to make the whole day as special as possible for my girlfriend, even though I’m not bothered about it myself.

Writer Shai Hussain As long as there’s no huge expectations and it’s all in the name of fun, its great – even for single folk who get to have a night out full of other single folk (and deserted couple folk who’ll be trying their best to come across as single

Paul Buxton said that being single isn’t a disability but what can you do on Valentine’s Day if you’re single? Couples fawning over each other and thinking how sad it is that I’m all alone when they’ve found each other against all the odds (like its difficult or something). I’m just going to lock myself in my house with a bottle of spirits and come out again when it’s safe to do so without all that nauseating crap going on.

The only ‘romantic’ response I got was from Jeet Sohpal

“Expensive but worth it. It’s the day I asked out my wife back in 2001”

So you can see that not all hope is lost and I do hope that one Valentine’s Day I will receive a card, presents and love. As CB at my workplace says ‘Priya you are so romantic aren’t you’. On that note Valentine’s Day is in less than a month’s time and as per usual I am single. As per earlier on in this blog the chances of me even having a date are slim to none seeing as on Friday I asked a man (who I think is extremely hot) whether he was going to take me out on a V Day date and he isn’t even going to be in the country. Sad times.  But I am going to be an eternal optimist and think that one day, maybe, I will have a date or even a boyfriend on Valentines Day!

Priya Mulji…x

 

Picture source – http://www.bostonherald.com/blogs/entertainment/the_assistant/?p=461