Can you turn a friendship into a relationship?
Lord Byron said: “Friendship may and often does, grow into love, but love never subsides into friendship.”
How many times have you heard the comment ‘oh, we were friends then we fell in love, it just happened.’
Or how many times have you heard ‘we were friends and we kind of fancied each other but then the friendship was lost just because we thought we would make a good couple, but everything just changed.’
I’m not scared to admit (but the other person maybe freaked out reading this and for wwhich I apologise if he knows who he is) but I used to have a huge crush on one of my friends. I had done since about 2004 and have even told him that, he never felt the same though and then I lost my crush we remained ‘friends’ though. Yet, would this friendship turned into a successful relationship? In hindsight I think no. Things happen for a reason and I wouldn’t be the person I am today if these events hadn’t taken place. But can men and women just be friends? I think if you aren’t attracted to each other then yes otherwise, as Billy Crystal says “the sex part just gets in the way.”
When you think about it there are a few potential situations that can occur from a person liking their friend. I am going to pretend like it is the girl likes the guy but this can be flipped over.
- Girl likes boy. Girl never tells boy. 3 years later she tells him. 3 years later is too late. He tells her he only see’s her as a friend. Thus confining her to the friend’s zone.
- Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl. Girl and boy date, get married and live happily ever after.
- Girl and boy are friends. They think they would make a good couple. They date. They get married and live happily ever after.
- Girl and boy are friends. They think they would make a good couple. They date. They realise they have made a huge mistake and actually they don’t make that great a couple. The friendship is then lost or they go back to being friends but still having the awkward moments because maybe one of the people still likes the other.
- Girl likes boy. Boy doesn’t like girl. Girl is upset and vows never to fall in love.
Option 2 and 3 are fine and don’t need to be discussed but how, in reference to option 1, 4 and 5 how you you not let it ruin the friendship if things don’t work out or how do you go back to just being normal when you tell the guy you like them but they don’t like you back?
Bhavlo on Twitter tells me it’s down to the person and whether it is a risk they want to take. This sums it up quite well. Say, if I hadn’t told this guy that I liked him I’d have been left wondering if he liked me or not. Fact is he didn’t; however is this better than not ever knowing? That’s down to personal preference I guess. You can choose to be heartbroken but you’ll get over it but you also lose a friend so possibly a no win situation.
One person mentioned to me and I think it was The Hoxton Raj on twitter that friendship can develop into love if you live in a close proximity to each other, you can basically charm one another. But who has time to do that and I know with me that the more people get to know me the less they like me! (Harsh and you may think that sounds negative but speaking from experience it is true).
In conclusion if you like someone, and if he or she is a friend; tell them how you feel. That is my perspective. There’s a 50/50 chance they will like you back. If not; then there is someone who will love you and be your friend too; isn’t that what we all want?
My experience with liking a guy who is/was a friend hasn’t been the most positive however I don’t think it should stop anyone from revealing their true feelings. Thing is, you just don’t know what is going on in someones head until one person makes the move and tells the other person clearly what is going on in their head so I say take the risk and tell that person how you feel because if you don’t you will be left wondering for the rest of your life. Yes, there is the danger you could lose a friend but wouldn’t you rather tell them than have this emotion eating away at you? I wouldn’t.
Let’s end with a quote courtesy of Friedrich Nietzsche:
“A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy”