Why Are We Attracted To The Wrong People
Amongst my craziness, legs, hair, marketing abilities, social media love; I am notoriously unlucky in love. FACT.
I also attract/am attracted to the completely wrong men. Proven by the fact that this evening in the gym I spotted this slightly larger dude whom I have seen determined to lose a great deal of weight. And this attracts me to him. Strange I know. Why I don’t know? Mandeep on twitter says I’m probably attracted to his cuddle factor and I do love a good cuddle. Who knows if he is a good person or not?
So this got me thinking. Why are many of us always attracted to the wrong person?
This is a factor that defies the sexes. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or woman, y ou can always be attracted to the person who isn’t ready for a relationship, who you like more than they like you, who has been hurt from a previous relationship or just wanted a fling.
Yet we still, time after time, go back to these people. I am going to stick with the male gender for the purpose of this blog post but like I said isn’t based on a particular gender. Some women will continuously go back to the same guys even though they know nothing will ever happen. Even though whilst you have known them they have girlfriends and when they are done with them come back to you. Yes we have been there done that have the wet t-shirt. As hard as we can’t stop ourselves. We WILL go back to these men. Not because we believe in fairytales and that everything will be fine, the guy will fall in love with us and then we will ride into the sunset. No, most of us accept that we will never be in a relationship…or….married to these people yet there is something that draws us to them. This is usually lust in my experience. There is someone that I am drawn to I don’t love him yet I don’t know if it is just lust?
The only way, in my experience, to keep away from them would be that someone who I loved/lusted after more came along and it was reciprocated. Chances of that happening are slim to none though so I guess it is the lust factor I shall be riding on for the current time.
I took to the social media forums Facebook and Twitter to get your thought on why we are attracted to the wrong people
For me, being attracted to the wrong person is pretty regular. Personally, I’m always looking at the bigger picture and things such as religion, location, always seem to get in the way. I get attracted to a personality very easily and whether they are physically attractive is a bonus (or not). You know how it is, forbidden fruit and all… maybe it’s just human genetics to be attracted to those who aren’t good for you.
Kirsty: We are always thrill Seeking
Nazma – we love a good challenge
Jyoti – Your wrong type is someone else’s right type. That’s the problem. You have to sift through the wrong ones to get to the right one and sometimes you end up hanging onto the wrong one in the vain hope he’ll be right so you can stop the search.
Amn Kaur – When do we grow out of this ‘mismatched magnetism’ and realise who is right for us? (as in stop being drawn to the wrong uns!’) x
Do you think we are attracted to the wrong people or are we too fussy trying to find people our social circle would find acceptable? I think we spend so long trying to find perfect that we forget our own imperfections. Life is all about compromise. Even in relationships it’s all about give and take. Psychologically we are duped into believing that the special someone will be handsome/ beautiful and ideally we would like to be the envy of our friends. But in reality that seldom happens. As long as people are attracted mentally/ intellectually, nothing Else really matters.
General consensus was that we all want what we can’t have. I think that could be said for many aspects of our life. Jobs, partners, friends, material objects etc. Now I am never content with what I have and am always (and I’m not proud when I say this) but jealous. I am jealous when people have a fantastic life; they are married to the person that is perfect for them, have a wonderful job, lots of money. Sometimes I portray a negative persona and I do that not on purpose but because I always want more and nothing is ever good enough. Is that just human nature though? Why do we do this? Is it jealousy? Or is it because we want to be content? And we are jealous of that? We are attracted to people who are completely wrong for us; maybe because we can’t have them and we know that but because there is nothing for us to be content with so we still strive to gain those people in our lives in one way or another. There is a thrill in the chase but once you have them maybe they aren’t enough and then you find yourself straying. But what if that perfect person is in front of you and 1) they can’t see you are perfect for them 2) you can’t see they are perfect for you or 3) you are so busy searching for something completely wrong for you that you don’t see what is in front of your eyes?
Whatever option this may be the way I see it some of us are happy homebodies enthralled in their daily lives wanting for no more yet some of us want to be out there, searching, thriving and screaming to the universe for more. Maybe we are the people who will never amount to anything in certain areas of our lives because we want it so much but if this is the case then why? We will see something, want it and then if we can’t have it then we will want it more, harder and with more of a passion. Maybe that is why we are attracted to the wrong people. Because we can’t have them?
Then what about being attracted to people that are, as some people would say ‘badboys’. When you’re younger the bad boy at school is extremely attractive. The one that smokes, has girls flocking around him and bunks off school all the time. In your early 20’s the guy who you think may have taken drugs but with his rugged look, motorbike, rough beard and smouldering eyes mesmerises you. Maybe when you hit 30 you realise it’s not all about image and that if you are (unfortunately) still single then you go with someone who from the outset may not be what you are ‘looking for’ but in the long run of your lifetime isn’t going to go to prison for doing drugs or get arrested for being part of a robbery. It’s the same with guys. The petite, slim yet clever girls always get picked first by the boys as their potential future partners. Which leaves us curvier girls with bad skin and not so perfect vision as the go to girls once you have hit 30 and realise that ok so ‘I aint getting any younger and I don’t wanna be having kids at 40’ – although that is probably not a major factor for men as they can just go and pick up some 24 year old at a gym if they still look good. But they do realise that they aren’t getting any younger and can’t just pick up anyone and start being less fussy. Let me give you an example. Man and woman who are, for arguments sake both aged 32, have known each other since they are 20. Always been a bit of sexual tension between them but nothing has ever happen one has secretly really likes the other but the one of them has always had many other girl/boyfriends or ‘it hasn’t been the right time’ or that he/she just doesn’t feel that way. They both hit 34 and for various reasons are still single. Man begins to realise that ok this woman aint so bad maybe he should give her a chance? But now that the man is giving himself to her does she give in just because she doesn’t have anyone else or does she wait for prince charming. He is saying he likes her? What does she do? Chances are she will say yeah “let’s get married and have babies” because she doesn’t have anyone else and she is willing to settle and the guy will always think ahh yeah i’ve known her 14 years she will do, but will he go and have an affair or will he fall deeply in love? Who knows? I haven’t been there. But all I know is we will always want more and if you have ‘settled’ for second best them you may be likely to stray? It’s a question not a statement. Bridget didn’t realise she wanted Darcy till right at the end.